Grace & Truth

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 1:14

I find it hard sometimes to be full of both grace and truth to my children. Sometimes I'm all truth. Other times I'm all grace. But according to John 1:14, grace and truth can coexist. In fact, in relationships grace and truth need to work together.

So how do we do this? How do we administer both grace and truth to our children, especially during "in the moment" opportunities of discipline? I think the answer lies in our ability to emotionally separate ourselves from our child's sin. We are to discipline our children because of the sin, not the offense to us. If I discipline the offense, I have a need for my child to realize how he has wronged. The focus is, thus, on me and not the heart of my child. On the other hand, if I discipline my child for the sin he has committed, I take myself and my offended pride out of the equation and am able to focus on teaching, rebuking, correcting and training him in righteousness, so that he may be thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

the Light of Life

In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
John 1: 4-5

Rather than using your own words when correcting your children, use the words written in the Word of God. John 1 verse 14 tells us, "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us." Our very own Savior, Jesus Christ, is the Word of God in the flesh. It is He - and His words - that will reach beyond the behaviors of our children and into their hearts. In Him and His Word is the life which is the light of men, the light that shines into the darkness.

Cure for Complaining

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6

Have you ever found yourself stuck in the "poor me" rut? Growing up, my family used to call it having a 'pity party.' It wasn't allowed at my house - I'd have to go off by myself instead of try to get others to feel sorry for me. Looking back, I can see the great wisdom of my parents in enforcing this rule. Negativity spreads like wildfire. It feeds on itself, and spreads even more quickly in company. So what's the cure for complaining? Thanksgiving. Paul exhorts us in Philippians 4:6 to give thanks in everything. And the promise of verse seven so encourages my heart! That when we do bathe everything in thanksgiving and give it to the Lord, "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." We all need the Lord to guard our hearts and the hearts of our family from a complaining spirit. When tempted to complain, instead think prayerfully of all that you're thankful for.

Put These Words Into Action

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.
Matthew 7:24

The wonderful parable found in Matthew 7:24-27 is great to use with children, to help them understand the importance of honoring God by not sinning. Read this parable to them, or relay it in story-like fashion. We have a wonderful book by Candle Books called "The Two Builders" that we read to my boys (who, of course, love the idea of building things). It is a great way to help them understand in yet another way the importance of obedience and putting the Word of God (i.e. honor your mother & father, do not lie, treat others as you want to be treated) into action.

Rejoice in the Lord!

Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the Lord!
Philippians 3:1a

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Philippians 4:4

Do my children see me rejoice in the Lord? As I write this, I lie in my bed recovering from strep throat, thinking about all the things on my family's plate right now, and completely convicted that my children may not see me choosing joy with all that's going on. That's right, I said choosing joy. Joy is an attitude, not an emotion.

James tells us straight out of the gate in 1:2, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds." As used in this context, to 'consider' is to choose the point of view you will take.

Peter instructs us in I Peter 4:12-13, "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ..." You see, they had a choice. To be surprised, or to actively take on joy.

And take the example of Habakkuk, whose world was falling apart before him. In the midst of literal disaster, he unbelievably chose joy: "...yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights" (Habakkuk 3:18-19).

You, too, can choose joy. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you choose joy today. And use the opportunity, if appropriate, to talk with your children about choosing joy despite things not being what you want. After all, isn't that what we ask of our children all the time? We, too, can choose to have an attitude of joy because of the Holy Spirit who is at work in us!

Abundant Grace

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.
Ephesians 2: 4-5

From time to time we moms just need to know grace. Show yourself grace today - you can't be perfect (otherwise it wouldn't be by grace that you have been saved), and you won't be perfect. Show your husband grace today - love deepens when we see one another's faults and choose to love and serve in the light of them. Show your children grace today - forgive them without strings and help them put mistakes behind them (and you) once accounted for.

God shows us such abundant grace. We glorify God when we do the same for others, including ourselves!

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1

We were at my parents' house this weekend for some much needed R&R and shared responsibility of the children. Pouring myself a cup of coffee in an old, favorite mug, I reread the words printed there: Gentleness draws people together. I started to think about why, and the Holy Spirit brought to mind the verse above, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

How often we are tempted to answer harshly. I encourage you to identify trends in your tongue. Are there moments in which you are more prone to answer harshly instead of gently? Are you more likely to answer harshly to your family, or to service staff at a resturant, or to another driver on the road? Be aware that not only do your attitude and words incent your children towards or away from obedience, but also realize that you are setting an example for your children in word and deed.

Cast Your Anxieties on Him

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
I Peter 5:7

This is a stressful time. Whether your stress is related to the economy or rooted in personal events in your life, God tells us that He is capable of taking care of our anxieties and our selves. It is important for us to cast our anxieties on the Lord so that we do not exercise that stress on our families.

Take some time today to get away by yourself in order to "Be still, and know that [He] is God" (Psalm 46:10). It is in meditating (reflecting) on the greatness of God, how big and capable He is, that we are able to gain perspective on our circumstances. Pray that the Lord will give you grace through His Holy Spirit at work in you to long for His glory above all else. Pour out your heart to Him, and ask Him to take those anxieties away from you. As Jesus Himself said in Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Encouragment

See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
Hebrews 3:12-13

Encouragement is vital to the human soul. As Christians, we are commanded to encourage one another (Heb 3:13). That can take the form of telling others what you appreciate about them, sending random cards through the mail, or speaking a kind word about a friend's child. But note that in this passage, encouragement is defined in comparison to making sure no one has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from God. In other words, encouragement is daily engaging others in ways that help them grow in their relationship with the Lord.

Seek opportunities today to encourage your husband, children and friends to grow deeper in their relationship with the Lord!

Overflowing With Thankfulness

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-7

Scripture tells us that as we continue to live in Christ, we should be overflowing with thankfulness. So today start a new habbit: make it a point to tell your husband and your children things you are thankful for about them. You can write it down and leave a sweet hidden note somewhere (if you have small children, keep it in a personal journal that's just for them, that you can add to through the years). Even if you write it down, make sure you speak it out loud to them, with great joy and sincerity!

Words are the Overflow of the Heart

For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
Matthew 6:45b

The Holy Spirit reminded me of this verse the other day, after a gentle reprimand by my husband, when I took credit for something God clearly did all by Himself. I immediately repented of the apparent pride in my heart. In the same way, as mothers we can use this verse to speak to the hearts of our children. If they're complaining, whining, throwing a fit, gossipping, speaking bad about someone they know, or being a tattletale, we can tell them that our words show us what's really going on in our hearts. If we're to have hearts the glorify God, then we must pay attention to the words we speak, carefully watching our tongues.

Godly Sorrow Over Sin

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
2 Corinthians 7:10

We must help our children discern between godly sorrow (that which brings repentance) and worldly sorrow (that which leads to condemnation). Sorrow that is from the enemy is characterized by vague feelings of negativity, sometimes full of condemnation and/or shame. But sorrow from the Lord gives hope - the hope of redemption and forgiveness! We need to help our children discern these feelings in their hearts so that they can have a right perspective of God and be weary of the enemy at work to destroy. This is one of the reasons why forgiveness is such a crucial part of our children's acknowledgement of sin. Forgive with a smile and a hug, putting the past behind and moving forward with a clean slate!

Pray for Your Child's Salvation

"Finally, brothers, pray for us that the message of the Lord may spread rapidly and be honored, just as it was with you."
2 Thessalonians 3:1

Pray for the Word to take root in your child's heart. Pray that the gospel message - the message of the Lord - will be honored, leading to your child's salvation.

Poured Out

"But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you."
Philippians 2:17

I'll be honest, I am not a theologian and do not know exactly what is meant by a 'drink offering.' But I have a feeling it's something like what I'm feeling today. Having spent the prior night in the ER with my youngest son, just 15 months, because he had an anaphylactic reaction to stealing his brother's sippy cup of milk (while I was spanking the older brother), fighting a cold myself the past two days, and during my one break in the day listening to my boys scream and cry in protestation of their nap...I'm at the "poured out" part, and there's not a thing left.

So now I have a choice: what's my attitude? Do I allow my feelings and exhaustion to rule, rendering me captive to frustration, irritation, and being overwhelmed? Or do I allow my mind to rule my emotions, choosing to be glad and rejoice at the calling of God in my life to motherhood, and for the amazing children he's called me to parent?

By God's grace and strength, let us all be like Paul, who though he was poured out said, "I am glad and rejoice with all of you."

Reaping the Fruit of Righteousness

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
2 Corinthians 7:10

Do not be discouraged in disciplining your children and speaking the truth to them, though that truth lead to their sorrow. Truth spoken out of love is not just our calling as mothers, it will also one day be our joy as we see our children reaping the fruit of righteousness sown into their hearts.

Confession

For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.
Romans 10:10

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
James 5:16a

If your children are like mine, you've noticed your child struggling the most with disobedience during times of confession. In other words, when they're embarrassed over sin they're more likely to disobey again. There's something powerful in confessing with our mouth and asking forgiveness - that's when true repentance is possible. The enemy knows this, and therefore works hard to keep sins in secret, hidden from the light, or ignored. What a disservice we do to our children by not insisting they account for all sins with a sincere, full apology. In my household a full apology is, "I'm sorry, [name], for [sin]. Will you forgive me?" Forgiveness is given with a smile, then hugs and kisses follow. We then take a moment to confess the same sin to God and thank Him for the forgiveness He offers us in Christ.

HALT, part 2

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
I Peter 5:8

Yesterday we talked about our need to HALT before indulging our feelings of negativity. In the role of motherhood, we are also called to equip our children to be self-controlled and alert. How do we do that? There are many godly applications, but here we will focus on teaching them to HALT:

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Rather than excusing sinful behavior with, "Oh, he's just so tired" or "It's my fault for bringing her to the grocery store so close to lunchtime," we can help our children identify their sin patterns. Teach them to recognize when that when it's close to nap time they're more prone to hitting siblings, or that they're more likely to disobey after leaving a playgroup of friends. This can be one of many tools to help us train the hearts and minds of our children!

HALT, part 1

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
I Peter 5:8

A dear friend once encouraged me to HALT before allowing myself to dwell in negative feelings of any kind. When we are tempted to indulge feelings of self-pity, depression, or just simply being "down," take a moment to think whether you're feeling

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

because it is in those moments when we are more prone to the attack of the enemy. If you are, address that need first. You'll probably realize a better perspective and greater strength once you do.

What's in your couch?

"For You make me glad by Your deeds, O Lord;
I sing for joy at the works of Your hands."
Psalm 92:4 (NIV)

Today I found three interesting things between the pillows of my couches. Upstairs in "my" chair (yeah, right!) was a missing pacifier and an old Sam's Club card that now belongs to my toddler, and in our family room couch was a bendy straw. What a collection of little treasures! Be thankful for the footprints of your children in your life! They are the wonderful works of His hands.

He Who Dwells

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."
Psalm 91:1 (NIV)

God made you the perfect mother for your child. And He has, in fact, given you everything you need in Him to complete that task. Believe it! He is our fullness; He is our strength. Today, especially in those overwhelming moments, choose to root yourself in Him. When left to ourselves and our own strength, we will get frustrated, lose our patience, give a harsh word...pray for the Lord to give you the self-discipline to study His Word every day. We need Him.